The Perfect Storm 36 Part 2

[teleen_fiction]

Please see Part 1 for warnings, etc.

Day Nine - Morning Part 2

Tosh smiled softly at him and reached out to gently stroke his cheek.  “Now please think carefully, love.  What can you think of that you wouldn’t want us to do with you?”

Jack pulled his arms away from them to rest his hands on his knees, sitting as a Slave would.  Tosh and Ianto felt their hearts clench to see it, but they both quickly realized that he needed the solace of the position to get through this.  He took a breath, swallowing, and thought for a long, long moment.  Now they could truly see how difficult it was for him to admit the things that he didn’t want them to do, to admit that there even were things that he didn’t want them to do.  Finally, he inhaled sharply and began to speak very quietly, as though he hoped that they wouldn’t hear him, or if they did, that they wouldn’t be angry with him for whatever he had to say. 

“The- the equipment that Ianto bought for you to use?”

Tosh nodded.

“I-I don’t want you to use it on me, please.  I’m sorry.” He bowed his head.

“It’s alright.  You never have to be sorry for telling us what you don’t want, we promise,” Tosh told him immediately and Ianto nodded.  “What else?”

They could see the tension rising in him; see what it was costing him to express himself on this subject. 

“I... You won’t- you won’t bind me, will you?” He asked without lifting his eyes and they hated that he made it a question instead of a statement. 

“Never.”

“Or hold me down?” he whispered.

“No love.” Tosh frowned. “Is Ianto holding you like he did the other night okay?”

Jack nodded immediately. “That’s different. I could-“ He stopped short and Ianto softly finished for him, “You could get away from me.”

Jack flinched and drew back slightly. “I wouldn’t.  I promise, I wouldn’t.”

Tosh hastened to reassure him. “It’s okay love, we promise, and if you ever were feeling... trapped... you could say your safe word and he’d let you go, you know that, right?”

“I would, Jack.  I promise.”

Jack looked up gratefully for a moment before turning away once more.

Tosh spoke in a tone she’d use to calm a frightened child, “Tell us what else you wouldn’t like, please.”

He hunched his shoulders as though he was trying to make himself as small of a target as possible.

“P-please don’t blind me,” he softly pleaded.

Tosh found that she was swallowing bile.  He’d said blind, not blindfold.  Suddenly she felt that she was in so far over her head that she didn’t know the bottom from the top.  She drew in a breath and made her tone as firm as she could as she ordered, “Jack, look at us.”

He obeyed, but he was trembling.

“We are never going to- to wound you, not ever, okay?”

He flinched and drew back again. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to... i-imply that you would.”

Tosh shook her head at him.  “Love, Ianto and I, we... We have no frame of reference for what you’ve been through.  All I can do is try to handle this conversation the way I would if we were... playing.  I’m sorry that I can’t-" she shrugged helplessly, "relate any other way.  But love, we really need for you to tell us what won’t feel good for you, okay?” 

He gave a slight nod.

She bit back a sigh and ordered softly, “Tell us what else, please.”

“Please... no gags or earplugs.  Please?” he asked in a soft rush of air.

“Never love, we promise.  What else?” Tosh prompted him softly.

“No hoods?” He asked on another soft sigh, bowing his head again.

“No love, we promise.  What else?”

“Please don’t... please don’t... collar... me.” His head bowed even further.

Tosh had to swallow her grief as she answered. “We won’t, not ever.” She leaned down to kiss the top of his head and rub his shoulder softly. “Go on, please.  Please tell us what else you don’t want us to do.”

He shuddered a bit, but obeyed her.  “I-I’m... I know I’ve said that I need your marks.” He swallowed.  “The easiest way to mark me would be to use a whip, but I-”

Ianto shushed him, shaking his head violently.  He put his hand on Jack’s other shoulder and spoke firmly and clearly, “I would sooner cut my own hands off than whip you, sir.” 

Jack flinched at the imagery, took a breath and spoke nearly inaudibly, “No belts or crops or c-cats?”

“Oh, Jack...” Ianto and Tosh looked at each other and back to him as Tosh continued softly, “Love, we know that you need this from us, but we don’t want to hurt you, not like we did last night, not ever again.  Do you understand?”

Curling in on himself further, Jack gave a small headshake. 

“We’ll help you, we promise.  What we do with you, it’s for you.  You know that, right?”  He shrugged.  “Love...” She paused for a minute.  “Look at me.”  She waited until his broken eyes came up to her face before continuing, “If you’re not having fun, we’re not having fun, okay?  Now please tell us what else you don’t want.”

He shrugged again and she bit back a sigh. 

Tosh forced herself to breathe in deeply and stay calm as she asked, “Well, can you think of any other position you wouldn’t like?”

His breath hitched.  “Please don’t...” He swallowed thickly.  “Please don’t put me in position on the floor before you punish me.”  He looked down again.

“We won’t.  What else?”

“You wouldn’t make me...” he trailed off.

“We won’t ever make you do anything that you don’t want to do, we promise.  Finish your sentence, please,” Tosh ordered.

He continued as if he hadn’t heard her, “You won’t make me sleep... away... from you, will you?”

Tosh gave him a wry half-smile.  “I can’t imagine ever making you sleep on the couch, love.”

Ianto swallowed.  “That wasn’t what he meant, was it, Jack?”

Jack shook his head.  “No, if you ever weren’t comfortable with having me sleep with you in that way I’d be alright.  Daniella used to send me to the couch once a month.  She had a bit of a temper,” he finished with a slight smile and immediately sobered.

“What way did you mean then, love?” Tosh asked, honestly confused.  Ianto flinched.

“I meant... Third Master would sometimes let me sleep on the floor at the foot of his bed when he was pleased with me.  And all of them used... cages.” Jack stopped, shuddering.  

“Nothing like that, not ever,” Tosh told him with tears clogging her voice.     

“Tell us what else, please,” Ianto ordered with soft vehemence.

Jack swallowed again and they hated how much it was hurting him to do this, hated that it was so painful for him to tell them what his limits were.

“Please... You won’t... hit me... anywhere but on my arse and my thighs, will you?  Please, please don’t.  Please?” His voice was so small, they both had to strain to hear him and they each leaned down to hold him close.

“Never anywhere but where you want us to and only for as long as you need us to.  Your body belongs to you, only you, and only you have the right to say what we do with you.” Tosh squeezed him as she spoke.  She pulled back and once again gently encouraged him to raise his head. 

Jack looked at them gratefully for a moment before looking away once more. 

“What else, Jack?  Please tell us,” Ianto said encouragingly.

The pause was a lot longer before he finally spoke again. 

“I- I know that I-I’m not allowed to come during a session until you say so.  I- I need you to know that I won’t.  You don’t ever need to use a... a ring.  Please don’t.”  He looked up beseechingly and both of them were too stunned to interrupt as he continued, “Please don’t use one to make it easier for me, I promise I don’t need it, I promise...” he trailed off and looked away again, his posture one of utter misery.

“Jack, look at me,” Tosh ordered softly and waited until his bleak eyes met hers.  “What do you think that we would do to you if you came without our permission during a session?”

He flinched, causing an answering flinch in her, even as Ianto, thinking of how he’d found Jack that first day, let out a low moan. 

Tosh was stricken, but forced herself to speak calmly, “I suggested that rule because I know that when I was spanked-” Jack’s eyes widened and she gave him a slight smile as she continued, “the spanking always felt better before I came.  I also thought that it might help you focus on the pain better.  But love, we’ll never hurt you if you come without our permission during a session.  I’m so sorry that we didn’t make that clear.  If at any time you’d come in the last few days before we told you that you could, all that would have happened is that we would have stopped the session, okay?”

He swallowed again and nodded.

She felt that she needed to add, “If there’s ever a time when you feel like you want to come during a session, you can, okay?  Orgasm denial isn’t something that we have to do, alright?”

He looked confused for a moment and took a breath.  “It is easier to take the punishment if I don’t come first and I- I feel like I’m being good for you if I wait until you tell me to.”

Tosh gave him a little smile.  “You’re always good for us, love, always.”

“Always,” Ianto echoed, nodding and Tosh continued, “Tell you what, why don’t we play this one by ear?  If we’re doing a deep scene, then you’ll wait for our permission, but again, the only consequence will be that we’ll stop the scene.  And we’ll talk about it beforehand so that you’ll always know, okay?  The rest of the time you can come whenever you want to, does that sound alright to you?”

For a moment, he looked so grateful that they both wanted to cry.  “Yes, Tosh.”

She drew in a deep, shuddering breath.  “What else?”

He looked even more uncomfortable than before, something that neither of them thought was possible.  “I- I’m not sure.  What else do you want to do with me?”

“What do you mean?” Tosh prodded gently.

“How...” his breath hitched, “extreme... do you want to be?”

Tosh forced herself to stay calm and patient as she replied, “Love, the reason we’re having this conversation is because what’s extreme for me might not be what’s extreme for you.  Tell us what else you wouldn’t like.”

He tensed. “I just... don’t want you to think that I-“ He cut himself off.

“What?” Tosh prompted softy after a moment.

“The other things I can think of are things that my Masters would do to me and I’m not sure if they’re actually things that you would even think of doing,” he said, flinching slightly.

The light dawned.  “You’re afraid of offending us, afraid that if you tell us something that the others would do that we’ll get upset for you thinking that we might do them with you.”

He nodded.  “Yes, Tosh.”

Tosh gave a rueful twist of her lips. “I’m beginning to think that the questionnaire might have been a better idea after all.  The three of us need to have a very clear idea of where everyone’s boundaries are. After what happened last night we can’t afford to just assume that we’re all on the same page.  I’ll start.”

She took a moment to order her thoughts.  “Well, the top of my ‘no’ list would be anything scatological, including water sports, golden showers, enemas and all of that, yes?”  She looked at them. 

Ianto shuddered.  “They’re close to the top of mine as well, right under whips.”

Jack let out a relieved sigh.  “Thanks.”

“I’m also absolutely against breath play.” Jack started trembling, just a bit.  Tosh squeezed his shoulder and continued, looking at Ianto, “If it’s something that you want to do then you’ll have to do it without me.” She looked at Jack and back again.  “Without us.”

“What’s breath play?” Ianto asked, feeling stupid.

“It’s play centered around a person’s breathing.  Everything from autoerotic asphyxiation to hoods that are designed to limit the amount of air someone takes in.  I’m sorry, I want to get off, but I don’t want anyone to die while I’m doing it.”

“Me either,” Ianto said and Jack sagged with relief.  “Also, I don’t know how Jack feels about this, but I don’t think I’d want to do anything without you.”

Jack nodded his agreement.

Tosh smiled.  “That’s a nice thought, but we’re not always going to agree all of the time.”

He sighed.  “True.  I guess I just want us all to stay on the same page.”

“We can change pages so long as we all stay in the same book, Ianto.  All of us have slightly different limits and just because one of us is uncomfortable doesn’t necessarily mean that the other two can’t play.”

“I just don’t want to see anyone left out.”

Tosh considered.  “It’s not a question of leaving out.  It’s more that with three of us we all need to be flexible.  If there’s something that I hate but the two of you love, I won’t stand in the way of you doing it, so long as no one winds up injured or dead at the end, anyway.”

Ianto frowned but let her continue.

“Speaking of injuries, I’m also completely against cutting and branding.” Jack shuddered again and they both squeezed him. 

“Who does that for fun?” Ianto asked with a frown.

“You’d be surprised,” Tosh replied.  “Remember my old boyfriend?”

They nodded and Tosh went on. “And speaking of him, I think we can also pretty well rule out any sort of piercing, yes?”

Ianto looked at her.  “You’re seriously telling me that people pierce each other for fun?”

Tosh nodded and Ianto shook his head, saying, “I feel as though I’ve been living under a rock.”

Tosh chuckled. “You’ve come out from under it beautifully, love.”

“Seconded,” Jack interjected softly.

Ianto gave a quiet snort. “Thanks, I think.  What else, Tosh?”

She grimaced. “I don’t go for the whole humiliation thing, either.  Face slapping, heavy hair pulling, name calling, being spat upon...  None of that, okay?”

Ianto gaped at her. “That’s... awful.”

“My thoughts exactly, but again, some people get off on it, get off on well, degradation.”

Ianto opened his mouth, closed it and tried again.  “Not me.  If I ever hit either of you in the face, I’d expect you to call the police.”

“Same here,” Tosh said, smiling.

Now it was Jack who was gaping.

“What is it, love?”

He shook his head mutely.

Ianto spoke softly, “It was the idea that you could call the police, yes?  You could, you know, if we ever really hurt you, you could.”

Jack shook his head again. “Torchwood wouldn’t like that.”

Ianto opened his mouth to protest, but Tosh cut him off. “He’s right, Ianto, but Jack, Ianto’s right too.  Our situation isn’t normal, but if the three of us were out in the world, you would have the right to have us arrested if we disregarded your limits and we want you to understand that we’re behaving as if we are out in the world, okay?”

“You’re not, though,” he protested softly.

Ianto nodded. “You’re right, but sir, Tosh and I did not come out here to hurt you, you know that, don’t you?”

Jack nodded. “I do.  Well, my head does.  I just-“ He shrugged helplessly. “I can’t-“ He sighed. “I’m sorry.”

Tosh shook her head at him. “You have nothing to be sorry for.  We’re still building trust and trust takes time, but love, in the scene trust was everything.  If you wanted to keep playing you had to respect everyone’s limits like they were set in stone.  We’re not playing here, but I...  I guess I just wanted you to know where I’m coming from, okay?”  He nodded and she went on, “When we have a session, no matter how caught up I get, no matter how aroused I get, I’m always listening to you, watching you and thinking about you, okay?  And no matter how caught up I get, if I hear ‘red’ or ‘Hula Hoop’, I’ll stop, understood?”

“I- understood.”

“Good.  Now, let’s see, what else?” She thought for a moment. “Well, I know that feathers, ice cubes, nipple clamps and candle wax have all been good friends of mine in the past.”

Ianto looked at her.  “I wouldn’t have an objection to any of those, I don’t think, though the nipple clamps would need to be fairly mild for me.  Jack?”

Jack looked uncertain.  “I have no objection to feathers or ice cubes.  Hot wax, I’d rather not, please.  Nipple clamps... maybe.”

“Fair enough.  Let’s see.  What about food?  Whipped cream, melted chocolate and all of that?”

“Sounds messy,” Ianto commented, grimacing.

“It is, but sometimes it’s fun.  What do you think, Jack?  Jack?” Tosh asked, her voice heavy with concern.

Jack was reacting badly, or so they thought, but after a moment they realized that he was choking on laughter.

“What’s so funny?” Ianto asked, a bit more sharply than was warranted.

Jack was immediately contrite. “I’m sorry.”

Ianto shook his head. “No, I shouldn’t have snapped, but... You were laughing at me, weren’t you?”

Jack nodded and gave a nearly imperceptible flinch when Ianto lifted his other hand to stroke his face.  Ianto sighed. “I’m sorry, you had every right to laugh.  I know that I can be a bit... fussy.”

Tosh giggled. “You can say that again.”

“I can be a bit... fussy,” he repeated, deadpan and gave Jack’s shoulder what he hoped was a comforting squeeze. 

Jack smiled and rallied enough to say, “It’s okay.  I like fussy.”

“So do I,” Tosh remarked, eyes twinkling. She took in a breath and went on. “We’ll put food down as a maybe for now, I think, okay?  Though I’ll go on record as saying that honey is a no, full stop.”

“Learned that the hard way, did you?” Jack asked with some of his usual spirit.

“Yes,” she replied and continued without elaboration, “Personally, I can also do without electro-stimulus toys.”

“What are those?” Ianto asked.  Gods, he was practically a virgin next to these two!

“Toys that have an electrical current running through them.” 

Jack and Ianto both shuddered at the thought. 

Tosh smiled ruefully.  “My thoughts exactly.  Well, how do the two of you feel about spanking me?”

Jack looked horrified.  Ianto looked... intrigued.

Tosh nodded.  “Okay.  One night when I’m in the mood we’ll have to try it, Ianto.  Fair warning, though.  I top from the bottom.”

“You mentioned that, yes.”

She gave them a wry smile and then sobered.  “Speaking of positions though.” She tensed visibly. “I don’t think that I want either of you to ever be... behind me, at least not with me on my hands and knees.  Sorry.”

They shrugged at her and she continued, “No gags for me, either, though I wouldn’t mind being blindfolded again some time.”

Jack shuddered, just a bit, and she squeezed his shoulder.

“Is it going to bother you if I’m blindfolded?” she asked him softly.

Jack blinked and shook his head.  “No, not if it’s something you like.”

“What about if Ianto spanks me?”

Jack swallowed. “You really like it?”

She smiled. “I really do, but I won’t do it if it will make you uncomfortable.”

Jack shook his head.  “If you really like it, I’m fine.”

Tosh smiled and looked at Ianto.  “This goes into what I was talking about earlier.  Jack doesn’t like it, but you and I do, yes?”

“I get it now,” he told her and she continued, “I’m not crazy about being tied up with ropes, but I’ve had leather cuffs used before.  Actually, I’d only be into that if there were a quick release of some kind, if I knew that I could get out if I wanted to, whenever I wanted to, without waiting for either of you.  Not so much into really surrendering control, here.  Sorry.”

“If I don’t have to be sorry, you don’t have to be sorry,” Jack softly interjected and they smiled at him as Tosh continued, “What about mental bondage?”

“Which is?” Ianto asked, once again feeling like the most naïve person in the world.

Tosh gave him a soft, sensual smile.  “If I told you to lie on the bed and that you weren’t allowed to touch me while I did anything and everything to arouse you.  If you had to keep your hands at your sides while I moved over you until I gave you permission to touch my skin and even then, I would limit what you could touch until I was ready for you to touch more.”

Both of the men’s breathing quickened and Tosh looked at Jack.  “You think you might like that, love?”

He nodded.  “I always did before.”

And in that moment they realized that this was a man who’d been a man before he’d been a Slave, that he’d had a life, had sex and played before.  They’d known it, of course they had.  He’d had children, after all.  But they hadn’t really had it actually sink in before now.

“What else did you like before, love?” Tosh asked him softly.

Jack shook his head.  “It doesn’t matter now.”

“Yes it does,” Ianto told him firmly.

Jack gave them a tiny, sad smile and shook his head. “No, it really doesn’t.  I-" he drew in a deep breath.  "I’m not the same person that I was.  Every reaction, every thought, every feeling, everything as it relates to sex... Hell, as it relates to everything... They’re all different for me now.  It’s kind of nice though, finding something that I still feel exactly the same way about.” He met Tosh’s eyes and gave her that soft, sensual look that was perfectly him. “I’ve always thought that that was incredibly erotic.”

She mustered a smile for him. “Me too.” She looked at Ianto. “What about you, love?  Is it something you might like to try?”

“Very much so.”

She smiled wider and sighed a bit.  “Well, that pretty much runs the gamut of what I can think of that would come up.  Is there anything else that either of you don’t like or don’t want to do?”

She looked at each of them in turn.  “Ianto?”

Ianto shrugged.  “My limits are pretty well defined already I think.  No pain, though I wouldn’t mind being tied up sometime and having the two of you do whatever else you wanted to.  I’m also pretty open to the idea of any other toys.  A blindfold might be fun, but I can do without a gag as well.  Jack?”

  Jack let out a soft breath and shook his head.  “I- I can’t think of anything else that you would want to do that I wouldn’t like.”     He  looked at each of them with worship in his eyes.  “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Jack. I meant what I said before, though.  Your limits are set in stone.  If there’s ever a time you’re not feeling comfortable, please don’t be afraid to tell us or use your safe word,” Tosh told him with a hint of begging in her voice.

“I know that I should have last night.  I’m sorry.”

“We forgive you Jack, just please use it if you need to okay?” Ianto softly pleaded.

“Yes, Ianto.”

Tosh drew in one last breath and reached out to touch Jack’s face, something she saw there not reassuring her. “Love, I need for you to tell me something and I need for it to be the truth.”

“Yes, Tosh?” he asked nervously.

“Why didn’t you say your safe word last night, really?”

He shuddered. “I- I was afraid.”

“Of how we would react?”

“Yes, Tosh.”

“How do you feel about it now?”

“I... Better.”

“Love, if there’s ever anything that you don’t want to do, you must tell us, alright?  No matter how much you think that we want to do it, we’ll never be happy if you do something you don’t like just for our sake, no matter what it is, understood?”

He swallowed. “I-I’m trying, but...” He shuddered. “It’s so hard to know what to do sometimes.”

“It’s okay love, this time I’ll tell you.  If you’re afraid, you tell us.  If we’re playing and you say your safe word, we will stop, no matter what.” Tosh drew in a deep, shuddering breath. “Jack, what happened last night really hurt us.” Jack flinched as Ianto nodded.

Tosh went on, “We, Ianto and I, we’re not...” She swallowed. “We’re not rapists.”

Jack looked at them with wide, horrified eyes. “You’ve never...”

Ianto broke in then. “Haven’t we?  Are you sure?  Last night you let us do something that you didn’t want us to do because you were afraid of us, how do you think that makes us feel?”

He shuddered. “Bad. I-I’m so sorry.”

Tosh shook her head and met his eyes. “It’s not your fault love, but from this point on, if there’s something you don’t like or that makes you afraid or even uncomfortable, you have to tell us or we can’t do this anymore.”

Ianto was nodding. “She’s right.  We’re all still building trust here and while I don’t expect you to trust us fully yet, we need to be able to trust you when we have these sessions.  We understand that you need what we do to feel safe, but we need to know that what we’re doing is always going to make you feel better instead of worse, do you understand?”

Jack looked at them miserably.  “I-I’m trying, but- I’m so confused.  I don’t know how to... relate... normally anymore.  I’m not used to anyone caring how I feel and it’s so difficult to...” he trailed off.

“Believe that we do?” Tosh finished gently.

He nodded.  “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for.  If anything, we should have had this conversation a long time ago.  Going forward, though, will you tell us when you’re afraid?”

“I-I’ll do my best.”

“Okay love, but if anything like last night happens again we’re going to have to seriously consider whether we’ll be able to continue as we have been.  If you want us to keep having sessions with you, you have to tell us if we do something that you don’t like or we can’t have them anymore.”

He shuddered. “I promise I’ll do better.”

“That’s all we can ask, love.  Now, how do you feel about everything?”

His breath hitched. “Afraid.”

Tosh nodded. “Why?”

“Because if I mess up you’ll stop the sessions.”

“No, love, not if you mess up.  Only if you deliberately disregard yourself and what you’re feeling to do something that Ianto and I want to do.  Love, you have rights.  You have the right to tell us not to do something and it hurts us when you set yourself aside for our sake.”

“I just... I want to please you, so much.”

“And the way to do that is to take care of yourself, love.  We’ll never be pleased if you do something that you hate just because you think it’s what we want.”

“I- Yes, Tosh.”

She gave him a soft smile. “It’s okay for you to mess up sometimes, love.  Everyone does, you know that, right?”

“I- My head knows it, but-“ He breathed out noisily. “Sometimes I feel like I have a dozen people in my head and they’re all arguing and I’m not always sure who to listen to.”

     “We’ll work on it with you until you know, we promise.”

     “Thank you, both of you, for everything.”

     “It’s our pleasure, really,” Tosh told him with gentle sincerity.

     “It is, sir.  Anything we can do, we will,” Ianto told him with a similar tone.

Jack nodded gratefully and wrapped himself around their laps, pulling them into him and holding them close.  They leaned down to stroke his back.  The three of them sat that way for a long while.    

37 Day Nine - Afternoon & Evening

Comments

[iolo1234.livejournal.com]

Wow such an amazingly intense chapter. Everyone tells all and I love Ianto feeling naive compared to Jack and Tosh. I love your Tosh she is so up front it takes your breath away. I think she scares Ianto a bit too and Jack just admires her strength. Poor Jack - how much you've put him through. I hate that it's Friday and I'm not going to be able to read this again until next Friday. Wonerful stuff.

[teleens-journal.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! I'm sorry that you'll be offline, but look at it this way - you'll have three chapters then, :).

Have fun! :)

[jirel.livejournal.com]

Poor Jack. I keep thinking about "The Face of Bo" and wondering if he ever got used to people he cared about dying and how long it took if he did.

[teleens-journal.livejournal.com]

I've wondered about that a lot myself, :(. I wonder if it became like us with pets - we take them in and love them, all the while knowing that we'll outlive them.

Thanks for reading! :)

[aikin3.livejournal.com]

Long time reader, first time commenter and life long dork. I'm ridiculously addicted to this series. Which is rare because I normally hate AU's and I have a super short attention span. Point being, weekends are a ball buster on this series. (But props on posting on a regular schedule.)

[teleens-journal.livejournal.com]

Life-long dork here as well, :). It means a lot to me that you don't normally like AU's and yet you still like this one, and even more that you feel 'addicted' to it.

Sorry about the weekend break, but every other day was *killing* me in ways that I can't even fully articulate, heh.

Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment, :).

[aikin3.livejournal.com]

Dorks united. And you're welcome. And it's not just AU's. Series as well. I'm not much of a commiter (not sure that's a word). I can't even hold a canned fruit brand loyalty. Anyway...

Legit. I'm impressed that you post 3 times a week. I couldn't do it. Short attention span. It takes me weeks to write like 3 pages of a script.

[teleens-journal.livejournal.com]

Oh, most of it's already written. The only reason I'm spreading it out is that I still need to write the end. And the sequel, heh. Yes, there's still quite a bit more that needs to be told, lol.

Thanks again! :)

[saintmaybe1121.livejournal.com]

I'm just catching up with this story, and it's really quite interesting. I like the idea of making Jack's essential slavery to Torchwood, or at least the dynamic of it, more obvious. I think it's an incredibly underexplored concept in Torchwood fandom, but I've seen the conversation coming up more and more in just the past couple of months.

I mean, just based on what we saw in Fragments, Jack was very much a slave of the Torchwood system at least until Alex killed himself, if not when Torchwood One fell. Or at least, I find the entrapment of "You work for us or we'll torture you to death over and over in horrible ways and rape you while we're at it," to be slavery. Not much of a choice there. I find myself wondering if Jack's somewhat dubious managerial and leadership skills we see in Season 1 are really a result of not being at all prepared to go from a guy who takes orders as essentially a slave to the leader, the person making all the decisions.

I always thought Jack was never comfortable being in charge because it just didn't sit well with him,and it kind of sucks having to make all the shit decisions. Essentially, he's a soldier, and we never see him more relaxed and happy than when he's with the Doctor as his trusted Lieutenant. But now I'm beginning to think that Jack not only didn't have a liking for being in charge, he wasn't prepared for it mentally, and probably felt at least very conflicted about leading an organization that had caused him so much pain.

As for your story, specifically, I really appreciate the time and effort you're putting into it. I'm not into BDSM myself, so I can't speak to that aspect of it, but it's very rare to find a story that realistically explores rape and it's aftermath or trauma and it's aftermath.

Jack's situation in this story is very unique as he's obviously had more sexual trauma and violence visited on his person than anyone else in history. Being three thousand years evolved and Time Agent trained etcetera also makes his recovery very unique. I like the contrast with Tosh, whose recovery is unfortunately very recognizable to me. I like that her experiences aren't minimized here in relation to Jack's experiences. They both are survivors of horrible things that no one should ever have to live through. Although technically Jack didn't survive, so there isn't even a language to describe the evil that was perpetuated on him. And Ianto's experiences aren't minimized for that matter, although grief and recovery is very different than trauma and recovery. Just...good job. =)

[teleens-journal.livejournal.com]

I agree with what you've said about 'Fragments'. Yes, Jack probably had commands when he fought in various wars, but those were in his distant past by the time Alex killed himself. And Torchwood isn't the military...

I'm glad that you think that I've portrayed their experiences accurately.

Thanks for reading! :)

[ianto14.livejournal.com]

Great update :) Loved them all discussing what makes them uncomfortable.

[teleens-journal.livejournal.com]

Thank you! :)

[ravenja1170.livejournal.com]

such an intense chapter! :-)
Poor Ianto, though, his Lisa sounded a bit like Yvonne Hartmann ...
And can I just say (again) that I love Tosh? ;-)

[teleens-journal.livejournal.com]

Re. Lisa. Oops! I didn't want to demonize her in this... darn.

I love Tosh too, heh.

Thanks for reading!

[alienfish.livejournal.com]

*apologetically* You did demonize her.

[teleens-journal.livejournal.com]

Hrm. Well, hopefully I make up for it later, :).

Lisa

[ravenja1170.livejournal.com]

don't worry, you didn't ;-) "Ianto" made quite clear that she was a nice person when out of work ;-). I rephrase my sentence: She sounded a bit like Yvonne where work was concerned ...

Re: Lisa

[teleens-journal.livejournal.com]

Which was intentional. We didn't get a lot of Lisa characterization in the show, so I had to work with what I had.

Thanks, :).

[missthingsplace.livejournal.com]

Oh wow, what a fantastic chapter, such a deep converation, wow!

[teleens-journal.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much! I worked really hard on it, so I'm glad that you enjoyed it, :).