Schrödinger’s Rapist
Oct. 30th, 2011 04:53 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
teleen_fictionSchrödinger’s Rapist (Or a guy's guide to approaching strange women without being maced.) ~Phaedra Starling
This is a blog post that I've been hearing about for years, but only recently found a link to. If you are male and have to interact with unknown women at any time for any reason, this applies to you to one degree or another. Yes, it even applies to you if you're gay, because no woman knows that if you are a stranger, :).
Obviously, if you're gay, it applies less because you aren't looking for the "relationship" aspect of this interaction, but I think it's important for everyone with male privilege to keep this stuff in mind, regardless of their actual intentions towards women - this is about what sort of image you present to a woman to whom you are a stranger and who isn't aware of your desires, orientation, or anything about you at all other than the fact you're male.
In truth, I wish I'd had this to link to when I did my "Don't Talk To Strangers" post, because it pretty much exactly mirrors what I was trying to convey, but didn't have the words to express.
This is a blog post that I've been hearing about for years, but only recently found a link to. If you are male and have to interact with unknown women at any time for any reason, this applies to you to one degree or another. Yes, it even applies to you if you're gay, because no woman knows that if you are a stranger, :).
Obviously, if you're gay, it applies less because you aren't looking for the "relationship" aspect of this interaction, but I think it's important for everyone with male privilege to keep this stuff in mind, regardless of their actual intentions towards women - this is about what sort of image you present to a woman to whom you are a stranger and who isn't aware of your desires, orientation, or anything about you at all other than the fact you're male.
In truth, I wish I'd had this to link to when I did my "Don't Talk To Strangers" post, because it pretty much exactly mirrors what I was trying to convey, but didn't have the words to express.
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no subject
Date: 2011-10-30 03:45 pm (UTC)So many men just don't get it. Because they don't spend every waking moment being aware of the safety of their surroundings. They didn't grow up like this. They aren't aware of the statistics because the statistics don't apply to them.
I had a strange man approach me in my parking lot one night. Now, I live in a safe area. I've never felt threatened there. But it's dark and I don't know him. I spun around fast, crouched, ready to act, brandishing a 12-pound frozen turkey. He looked startled and backed up a couple of paces. It turned out he was a security guy from the complex and just wanted to ask me to slow down when I drove. Which is fine. But you don't just walk up to a strange woman in the dark and start to talk to her while you're right behind her. I pretty sure he thought I was paranoid. I don't care if I offend a strange man. I care about being assaulted.
no subject
Date: 2011-10-30 05:51 pm (UTC)I had a strange man follow me through Wal-Mart and approach me saying, "May I ask the lady a question?"
I brandished my keys, said "No!" loudly and then felt somewhat foolish when he backed away. Yep, us paranoid wimmins, *headdesk*.
I just can't imagine why he thought it would be a good idea to not only follow me through the store, but out to the flippin' parking lot! Oh, and I lived in a MUCH 'safer' neighborhood then too, :(.
no subject
Date: 2011-10-30 05:23 pm (UTC)As an aside, her one in six statistic strikes me as low. When I was growing up in Texas, I realized at one point that nearly all the women and girls I knew well (well enough to be entrusted with private details) had been molested, raped, or forced into some kind of sexual activity. My mom was raped. My best friend in college was forced to perform oral sex. Her best friend was sodomized. Another good friend in college was raped by both her father and her older brother. My best friend in elementary school was being raped by her father (and I didn't find that out until recently, when she told me how she was grateful for having our house to go to).
And it's not just women who've suffered in our rape culture -- you and I both know a man who was gang-raped when he was a young boy by teenagers. And his mother spent time in the 1930s in an orphanage that was run by a pedophile who pretty much used the facility as his own personal buffet; at least one of the girls there (a ten-year-old) died after he took her to a back-alley abortionist to cover up evidence of his crimes. Ah, the good ol' days :(
no subject
Date: 2011-10-30 05:49 pm (UTC)Hell, I get an escort every night at school and am the only one in class that does so. My instructors (and the other students) all call me wise, but I know that my statistical odds of being assaulted by a stranger are far less than it being someone I know, sigh, :(.