I'm not arguing that language isn't mutable. Far from it, actually. However, your examples don't hold weight for a couple of reasons.
There are many persons of color I know personally who prefer to be called "black". There are others who prefer "person of color" and still others who prefer "African American". I know many gay people who are okay with the word "faggot" and many who really, really aren't.
Reclamation is fine if one is a member of the group doing the reclaiming, but just because you personally are okay with a word that you use to self-identify doesn't mean that someone else might not find it offensive.
Personally, I identify as "queer". For someone I know, I recently found out that that word has serious negative connotations and I don't use that word in his presence. I use it because I feel it describes me (bisexual - more pansexual, actually; poly; with some gender dysmorphia - "queer" seems to fit.) However, I must note that as recently as last year I was essentially asking a genderqueer friend of mine for permission to use that term to SELF-identify because I didn't feel as much a part of the BLGTPQ community as I do now.
And my friend who is hurt by it made it clear that the reclamation being proposed by so many has a negative side effect to those who have triggers associated with those words.
There are no easy answers here. Am I going to stop self-identifying as "queer"? If I can find a better adjective that fits me, then yes, I will, because my identity as a pansexual woman isn't married to the terminology that describes me. As for right now, I call myself queer, but as it hurts a friend of mine, I'd like to stop. Will I EVER use that word in his presence? NO. Because my right to self-identification and attempt at reclamation doesn't trump the friendship I feel for him and my wish to NOT trigger a friend if I can avoid it, if that makes sense?
I think in issues of language such as this one, it's best if we all stop talking and really listen to what others are saying. Respect others' wishes when they tell us how they prefer to self-identify. More importantly, be good friends when those with whom we are acquainted tell us what hurts them.
There is also the issue of those who "reclaim" terms that were never theirs. A white person using the "n-word". A straight person calling a gay man a faggot "as a joke". A man referring to a woman as a "hot bitch".
Also, I'm firmly in the camp that someone may SELF-identify however they wish, but when they are speaking with other people, respect should be given to the person's identity and how they wish to be known.
Take Favorite Aunt, for example. She's had a partner for over 20 years, but for her, her sexuality is the least of who she is and is the least of what she wants others to think of when they think of her. Some would call her "closeted" (indeed, my grandma asked that she hide her partner from the rest of the family until she was literally on her deathbed). Even so - I refer to her as "Favorite Aunt", NOT "Lesbian Aunt", if you can see my POV, :).
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Warning - triggers for slurs
Date: 2011-11-02 06:05 am (UTC)There are many persons of color I know personally who prefer to be called "black". There are others who prefer "person of color" and still others who prefer "African American". I know many gay people who are okay with the word "faggot" and many who really, really aren't.
Reclamation is fine if one is a member of the group doing the reclaiming, but just because you personally are okay with a word that you use to self-identify doesn't mean that someone else might not find it offensive.
Personally, I identify as "queer". For someone I know, I recently found out that that word has serious negative connotations and I don't use that word in his presence. I use it because I feel it describes me (bisexual - more pansexual, actually; poly; with some gender dysmorphia - "queer" seems to fit.) However, I must note that as recently as last year I was essentially asking a genderqueer friend of mine for permission to use that term to SELF-identify because I didn't feel as much a part of the BLGTPQ community as I do now.
And my friend who is hurt by it made it clear that the reclamation being proposed by so many has a negative side effect to those who have triggers associated with those words.
There are no easy answers here. Am I going to stop self-identifying as "queer"? If I can find a better adjective that fits me, then yes, I will, because my identity as a pansexual woman isn't married to the terminology that describes me. As for right now, I call myself queer, but as it hurts a friend of mine, I'd like to stop. Will I EVER use that word in his presence? NO. Because my right to self-identification and attempt at reclamation doesn't trump the friendship I feel for him and my wish to NOT trigger a friend if I can avoid it, if that makes sense?
I think in issues of language such as this one, it's best if we all stop talking and really listen to what others are saying. Respect others' wishes when they tell us how they prefer to self-identify. More importantly, be good friends when those with whom we are acquainted tell us what hurts them.
There is also the issue of those who "reclaim" terms that were never theirs. A white person using the "n-word". A straight person calling a gay man a faggot "as a joke". A man referring to a woman as a "hot bitch".
Also, I'm firmly in the camp that someone may SELF-identify however they wish, but when they are speaking with other people, respect should be given to the person's identity and how they wish to be known.
Take Favorite Aunt, for example. She's had a partner for over 20 years, but for her, her sexuality is the least of who she is and is the least of what she wants others to think of when they think of her. Some would call her "closeted" (indeed, my grandma asked that she hide her partner from the rest of the family until she was literally on her deathbed). Even so - I refer to her as "Favorite Aunt", NOT "Lesbian Aunt", if you can see my POV, :).