Words Have Meanings: First, Do No Harm

[teleen_fiction]

Inspired by more than one comment on the post that this post links to, I'm finally going to weigh in on the whole anti-PC, thought-police, this-word-has-another-meaning-and-no-one-can-own-a-word, I-don't have-to-change-simply-because-you're-offended school of thought.

I'm going to begin by saying that I'm guilty of using pretty much every word that is at issue at one point or another, some as recently as last year, so I'm not saying that I'm not in a glass house here. 

However.

For those who are against changing their language to remove certain words from their vocabularies because another person is offended by it, I ask the following question:

Who does it hurt? 

Seriously, who does it hurt to make the effort not to use words that others have found offensive?  I know that it's an effort to do so, so I guess someone could argue that it's hurting them by virtue of the fact that changing one's vocabulary and deleting certain words is hella difficult...  Well, I have to say that it's more difficult in the offline world, but online?  It's as easy as being careful of what one types.  I realize that for some, who type as quickly as they think, that could be a challenge, but seriously?  Who does it hurt?  Why is it such a big deal to just not be an asshat when someone asks you to do so?

Since I'm guilty of being that asshat, I'm going to say for me it was a combination of laziness, privilege and the fact that yeah, it's hard to change how one looks at the world.  I still find myself thinking, "GAY! or "LAME!" in response to negative things I see on TV, but I've been making a conscious effort to replace both words with "WEAK!" in my internal monologue and I catch myself before speaking them out loud because I want to have a less hurtful vocabulary.   Also, despite my knowing on an intellectual level that those words are not okay to use, they're deeply embedded in my psyche because they've been programmed in from a variety of different sources.

Some words are easier not to use than others, but again, all of them can be eliminated from online conversation with almost no effort at all.  All it takes is a willingness to actually read over one's comment and/or post before hitting the 'post' button. It's really that simple.  That, and having a mental list of words that are no longer okay to use, regardless of their original meaning.  Finding out which words aren't okay is as simple as lurking for a while in a so-called 'drama' community and listening to those who speak about it there.  

In no particular order, the words I feel that everyone should be eliminating from their vocabularies (and the reasons why, for those who have questions) are:

Pussy to refer to anything other than a cat and even then, you can find another word if you try, like 'kitty'.  It's a gendered insult.  Also, when it's used to refer to a weak-willed person with the spine of a jellyfish, it's misogynistic because it's also a term that's used to describe female genitalia and gives the impression that anything female-related is weak.

Cunt, whore, slut, and bitch are all 'gendered' insults.  Find another one that isn't used primarily against women, like 'asshat'.  And no, calling someone a 'dick' isn't the same as calling them a 'cunt' because women don't have the same privilege that men have.

Retarded or any variation thereof, i.e. 'fantard'.  It can be offensive to those who have mental disabilities.

Midget - can be offensive to little people.  I realize that it once was a medical term; that doesn't change that little people don't care for it to be used any longer.  Don't use it.

Lame - can be offensive to those with physical disabilities. 

Crazy/Insane to describe someone who may have a mental illness can be offensive to those who have mental illnesses.

Faggot - I refer you to sparkindarkness, because he says it a lot better than I ever could.

Gay as a negative descriptor, i.e., 'that's so gay'.  I realize that this word, like faggot, has also had other meanings, but the fact is that right now it's primarily used to describe homosexual men and when it is used as a negative in any way, it reinforces the idea, however subconsciously, that being gay is bad.

Racial slurs: The n-word is obvious, some others aren't.  For example, Joan Rivers recently called Michelle Obama 'Blackie O'.   "Gyp" as in 'to cheat' refers to Romani people.  The phrase 'grammar Nazi' downplays the impact of Nazis on the world.  Educate yourself on history before using certain words and phrases and if someone tells you that a phrase you thought was harmless was offensive to them, apologize for it and move on.

Right way to apologize: I'm sorry.

Wrong way to apologize: I'm sorry if you were offended, but my family's been using that for years and I've never heard of it as a negative before.

Keep in mind that no one has to accept your apology.

Also, please keep in mind that just because you know someone who is disabled, BGLTQP, a person of color, or a member of any other marginalized group or even if you yourself are a member of said group and don't find these words offensive, it still doesn't justify using them in polite company.  Just because you or your friend is fine with something doesn't mean that everyone else in the world has to be fine with it too.

To those who are saying, "Context is everything!  I've been using 'gay' to mean 'stupid' for years and I love gay people."  Sigh.  Again, I have to ask - who does it hurt for you to change your vocabulary versus those who are being hurt every day by those who refuse to change it?

Oh, I almost forgot, "Aren't there more important things in the world to worry about than whether or not I call someone a pussy?"  Definitely, but again, does it actually cause you physical harm to stop doing it?  Fighting against the -ism's of the world isn't solely about stopping women from being circumcised or BGLTQP persons from being flogged or stoned to death.  It's about changing the way that we, as a society, think about everyone who's a part of it.

Language is the primary way in which human beings express their thoughts and opinions.  If we are ever going to actually be an equal society, with every currently marginalized person treated with dignity and respect, we have to not only work on the big issues, but the small ones as well.  Changing our language is a part of changing how we think.  I know that since I first started trying to remove certain words from my lexicon, it's really forced me to examine everything I say and do with a new eye.  I've become much more aware of how our tacit approval of -ist language affects the everyday lives of marginalized people.

Note: I am not asking for a pat on the back for finally trying not to be an asshat (I'm well aware that I have not yet succeeded in this area).  I'm extremely aware of my privilege and do not presume to speak for anyone but myself, despite any evidence to the contrary you might have found within (or anywhere else online).  We all have to make the decision as human beings as to whether our approach to other people is to going to be, "First, do no harm," or "I don't care who's offended - this rape joke is funny!"

Finally, I'll say that I ascribe to the idea that absolutely everything is fair game in comedy, art and literature.  However, I also subscribe to the idea that people can call other people out for being asshats and it's up to the individual whether they wish to continue being one or not solely in the name of being anti-PC.

And because I've been educating myself a bunch lately, here are a bunch of links that all say all of this a lot better than I just did.

101 Primer

sparkindarkness' entire journal.

Read all of that and then come back to discuss, if you wish, :).

ETA: Proof that not being an asshat is an ongoing battle: Weak is ableist.  Thank you to 51stcenturyfox  for letting me know, :).

ETA 2: My comment thread on the post that started all of this is here. 

ETA 3: Drama communities are probably not the best place to start, lol, but if it were not for them I never would have found most of this stuff out, which is why I mentioned them.  The best place to start is with the 101 Primer and go from there, :).

This post has now been edited because my essential message was being lost and I was doing more harm than good by defending my position on one phrase.  Most of the comments regarding that phrase have now been screened.  I'm not a PoC, so my feelings on that phrase don't matter whatsoever and continuing to argue about it only detracts from the essential point of what I was trying to say. 

I apologize for the drama.

For the record I am US-born, white, queer though I easily pass for both female and straight, and able-bodied.  I have no personal experience with physical, racial or ethnic discrimination and I apologize for speaking for those groups as if I were personally invested in those particular slurs not being used.

The areas in which I have personal experience and/or a personal investment include: feminism/sexim, sex work, body image/food, sexual freedom, BGLTQP rights/homophobia, bullying, child abuse, the US foster care system, the US health care system, PTSD, anxiety, depression and mental health.  

Comments

[meshell-mybell.livejournal.com]

I agree with you. There are many words I personally have never used due to the fact that I find them offensive, let alone do I wish to offend others. I did grow up with a very biggoted family and yet I never felt the need to follow along with them.

However, they will NEVER take the f-word from me. I just choose to be an adult and use it when I'm not working or around other people's kids and families. My family already knows where I park my truck.

[teleens-journal.livejournal.com]

They won't take it from me, either, ;).

[girlofavalon.livejournal.com]

Goodness! First I want to apologise for, out of everything you say in this post, this was what caught my attention the most, but:

The phrase 'grammar Nazi' downplays the impact of Nazis on the world.

THIS SO MUCH!!! It always gets on my nerves when someone calls themselves "grammar Nazi", or worse, "canon Nazi". God! It's all levels of wrong :\

[teleens-journal.livejournal.com]

No apology necessary, :). Everyone's going to have their own opinions as to what bugs them the most, which is sort of what this post is about.

[darth-eldritch.livejournal.com]

Thanks for these awesome links and lists!

101 concentrates the good stuff in one post. Very handy.

I just don't understand why it is so hard to stop using some words. I don't miss them.

[teleens-journal.livejournal.com]

You're quite welcome, :).

For me it's difficult on a number of levels, sadly. The first is that I've been programmed for years to use them. The second is that a lot of the media I'm exposed to on a daily basis still sees nothing wrong with using them. The third is that I work in an environment where people routinely make racist, sexist, ableist, etc. jokes and where we're barely in the late 70's as far as feminism goes. A strip club is the last place where sexual harassment is not only allowed, but encouraged (from the customers, not the staff, I do want to clarify. Though occasionally I've had to call a bouncer out for being handsy, sigh, mostly because other girls are okay with it... or at least don't complain like I do.)

[51stcenturyfox.livejournal.com]

http://disabledfeminists.com/2009/11/02/ableist-word-profile-weak/

Just sayin'. If you're being super-careful about your slang.

[teleens-journal.livejournal.com]

Thanks for letting me know, :).

[thetammyjo.livejournal.com]

I think it depends on the context in which the words are being used.

In every day conversation or in business conversation one is wise to think about the impression you make when you use words. As long as you are willing to suffer the consequences for your words, go for it!

However with writing you should be thinking about the words all ready and only using those that make sense for the character, the setting and the mood of the work. If I use a word that offends someone in my writing either they are bringing their own bias to the reading or I was using it on purpose to create a reaction.

[teleens-journal.livejournal.com]

This is more about everyday conversation and online interaction than anything else. If it's in-character for them to use a slur, then I wouldn't want to restrict the writers from using any and all slurs. As I said above, everything is fair game in art and literature, but by the same token, if an author makes an unusual or possibly offensive style choice, they'd better be prepared to defend it.

RIII once wrote a simile that invoked the Holocaust as a comparison to something mundane. He was called out for it in his writer's workshop, but chose to keep it despite someone literally being willing to 'step outside' over it.

He sold the story, which you can make of what you will. If the same simile appeared in a fanfic, I would have to say that the author would probably get ripped to pieces over it, but it would then be his choice whether or not to keep it. Considering that he was willing to defend it face-to-face, I imagine that he'd keep it online as well.

This is about civil discourse online in public forums where people routinely are encountering other people from all over the world and from all walks of life.

If someone wants to use any of these slurs in private, no one can stop them, but in public I do think people should make an effort to be civil to each other, or if that's impossible, to use insults, like 'asshat' that don't denigrate an entire group.

And if people choose to continue to use slurs despite others telling them that it's offensive and why, they should be called out for it.

[bedawyn.livejournal.com]

In general, I agree with you; however, I do believe that the ableism activists often go too far, and as a language professional, I'm not going to stop using an appropriate word because someone is offensensitive. There's a big difference between using "gay" (with its historically positive or neutral denotations) as a slur and using something like "lame" or "weak" as slang. Those words have negative connotations because they have negative denotations. It's built in to the words. Disability IS bad. That is not the same thing as saying that a person with a disability is bad, and if someone chooses to define themselves by their disability, that's not my problem. Language needs opposites and our brains need dichotomies. It's medically and linguistically ridiculous to insist that we shouldn't apply negative connotations to words that only exist in the first place because they represent concepts that are negatively experienced by most of those who do experience them. "Lame" is negative because being lame SUCKS. It hurts and it's inconvenient and awkward and tiring and sometimes scary. And anyone who tries to tell me there's nothing wrong with being lame is just going to get an eye roll from me. Same with "weak" and "crazy" and "insane".

And speaking of reasons for existing, I really hope you're not trying to "reasonably enlighten" yourself via drama communities. By definition, those places are not going to be bastions of well-reasoned thought, balanced arguments, and common sense. They exist because people enjoy getting huffy and histrionic or enjoy watching others get huffy and histrionic. If you think being outraged is fun and go looking for reasons to get outraged, well, sure, you'll find plenty. Doesn't mean they're good or valid reasons. Might as well drop a potato in boiling water then complain that the potato and the splashes are both hot.

[teleens-journal.livejournal.com]

Interesting perspective. However, since it costs me nothing to remove those words from my slang vocabulary, I'm going to attempt to do so, :).

And no, I'm not trying to reasonably enlighten myself via drama communities, but if it weren't for drama communities, I never would have found the other stuff, :).

Still, an ETA would probably be a good thought.

Thanks for your thoughts, :).

[alias_sqbr]

Hmm. I agree with you in principle, but I think you're oversimplifying a bit.

There are certainly unambiguously hurtful, damaging words which it is very easy to stop using, and people who make a big show of how HARD it is are being self indulgent and whiny.

But there's there's no clean line between "good" words and "bad" words, some words are offensive to some people in one context but are the best word to use to other people in a different context (aka "person of colour" is an offensive label to some non-white people(*), mostly outside the US) Removing offensive words from your language completely is not only not simple, it's not possible. And there are downsides to restricting one's language this way, albeit ones that are in most cases worth the benefits.

Also, I think it's unhelpful to primarily frame these words as simply "offensive". As well as hurting the individual people who see them, they often perpetuate the broader unjust power structure. For example, using "gay" as an insult is not only bad because it hurts the feelings of gay people, but because it equates being gay with badness. Even when straight people use it amongst themselves they are encouraging this homophobic attitude in each other and themselves. (I'm sure you know this, and maybe I just misread, but it didn't feel like your post was making this point very strongly)

Something we agree on: Over time as I pay attention to this sort of language it's made me realise how much of my "offensive" language really does rest on deeper prejudiced attitudes. Every time I go to use the word "crazy" I think "Do I really mean that this is mentally ill, even if only metaphorically? What am I implying about mental illness? What am I actually trying to say?" Even if none of the mentally ill people I know were being hurt by my usage of the word, this thought process has done a lot to make me reconsider my attitudes to mental illness. This sort of thoughtfulness, about what I'm saying and what effect my words will have in the particular context I'm using them in, is especially important with ambiguous words which are only offensive some of the time.

This ambiguity also makes me a little leery of describing ANYONE who uses offensive language EVER as being an asshat (though a great many people who use offensive words on purpose are being pretty asshattish), really it's not about whether or not one is a "good person", it's about trying to modify our behaviour for the benefit of others. I think "Oh no, I used a bad word, I suck D:" can actually be a counterproductive emotional response, since it makes us resistant to learning more bad words and thus feeling guilty more of the time. I don't want people who say things that hurt me to feel bad, I want them to stop.

(*)some of whom may also have an issue with "non-white". Apologies to any such reading this, it was the best descriptor I could think of :/

[teleens-journal.livejournal.com]

You're correct in that there is no clean line. I also made it clear at the end of the post that there were many others who had said it better than me, which was why I included the primer and the link to sparkindarkness, :).

That said, I completely agree that these words do more than just offend, they work towards oppression.

In fact, the only place where I must disagree is my not making the point about 'gay' being equated to bad, which is why to use it in that manner adds to homophobia. Naturally, 'strongly' is a matter of opinion, but I did bring it up in two different places in the post:

but the fact is that right now it's primarily used to describe homosexual men and when it is used as a negative in any way, it reinforces the idea, however subconsciously, that being gay is bad.

and

To those who are saying, "Context is everything! I've been using 'gay' to mean 'stupid' for years and I love gay people." Sigh. Again, I have to ask - who does it hurt for you to change your vocabulary versus those who are being hurt every day by those who refuse to change it?

I suppose that I should have made a better effort to say that using it in that way adds to homophobia, but I honestly thought that I was making that link, :(.

As for the asshat bit... Last year, I got into an argument over using the word 'pussy' to describe a weak-willed person with the spine of a jellyfish. I was ready to defend my use of that word to the grave and in fact used many arguments that I now know were total derailing to try and defend my use of it. I should have just apologized and moved on, but I just kept digging a deeper and deeper hole for myself.

I was being an asshat because I completely refused to see the perspective of the other person. Now, to me an asshat is someone who's head is firmly lodged up their ass - not necessarily a bad person, just generally unwilling and unable to see anything but where they are and where they came from (so to speak).

Again, I don't think that those who use this language out of ignorance are necessarily bad people (sorry, some of them actually are), but I do think that everyone eventually has a responsibility to decide what sort of impression* they want to make on the world and go from there. And if I hadn't had that argument, I never would have reached this point because I never would have begun to examine my worldview and what contributed to it.

I want them to stop too, but generally speaking, a person won't stop doing something unless they feel bad about doing it. Perhaps this is a cynical view of humanity, but in my experience, people are lazy and won't change their behavior unless they are given a tangible reason to do so that also aligns with their self-interest.

In this case, the self-interest would be not having to feel bad for hurting other people. Behavior modification only works if the person whose behavior is being modified is willing to put effort into it and in my experience, most people are selfish and won't go out of their way unless there's something in it for them.

I'm not sure what you mean about being resistant to 'learning more bad words'. If you mean that it could make us not want to examine our language for fear of finding out something that we thought was innocuous (like 'Gyp' or 'pot calling the kettle black') actually has negative connotations, then I see your point.

Ignorance is bliss, sigh.

Thanks for your thoughts, :).

*When I said impression, I realize that I've made it all about the person doing the hurting, but again, my cynical worldview is that everyone is selfish and if we don't frame this as a way to help themselves first (helping others will hopefully come later), it's difficult to bring people to our side of the fence. Again, I know it's cynical, but that's who I essentially am, unfortunately.

Thanks again! :)

Via metafandom delicious listing

[(Anonymous)]

Personally I find the following words or phrases offensive:

1. - "fuck", "shit", "bitch", "cock", "asshole", etc.
2. - "to privilege", "heteronormative", "ableist", "unpack", etc.

Are LiveJournal/Dreamwidth fanfic writers going to change their writing?

"Who does it hurt?"

I didn't get any apologies. Just some variation of "Get with the program, you racist bitch" or "You're privilege is showing".

Oh, gee, I'd love to have me some of this privilege this crowd claims I have.

Re: Via metafandom delicious listing

[teleens-journal.livejournal.com]

Given that your comment is basically incoherent, I'm not sure where to begin to respond, so I'll just go with the first thing that comes to mind:

The fact that you are able to get on the internet and read this post shows that you have some form of privilege. Period.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

[pingback-bot.livejournal.com]

User lovelokest referenced to your post from Saturday, January 29, 2011 (http://community.livejournal.com/metafandom/307900.html) saying: [...] : Words Have Meanings: First, Do No Harm [...]

[hidheart.livejournal.com]

Here via metafandom, and I love this post so much! I will ride up in the night and steal away with it for a torrid romantic duet, scored by Verdi.

Or not, but you know, it's the thought that counts.

Seriously, though, this is a point I keep coming back to a lot. It really doesn't hurt me to make some vocabulary changes. It does hurt a lot of people (including me) to be subjected to an unthinking barrage of nasty language. Equally good language (often more effective because more conscious and more stylish) + reduced pain = big win!

[teleens-journal.livejournal.com]

Thanks, :).

The English language is wide and varied, :). Changing one's vocabulary a bit to try not to hurt people isn't that difficult if one is willing to make an effort to do so.

The key word is 'effort'.

That said, it's impossible to please everyone, but I'd say that the effort is worth it to try, :).

[enkanowen.livejournal.com]

I disagree on so many levels.

I agree on some, particularly using gay in a negative connotation or any sort of racial slur, but I feel I disagree on more. The list of how people could be offended is endless: my personal favourite insult of 'douche bag' could be construed of being gendered because only women use douches [which they shouldn't but different discussion]. Or how about any connotations to religion (bringing about my second favourite swear of 'jesus fuck'), which you left out of your post?

Bottom line, people will be offended one way or another and it's lists like this one that make people think I'm an oversensitive twat (probably not very PC either) for calling them out on using 'gay' to describe something stupid.

[teleens-journal.livejournal.com]

I will agree that it's impossible to please everyone.

I was able to get around douchebag by pointing out that a douchebag is a basically obsolete tool that isn't necessary in the modern world, so if you call someone a douchebag, you're calling them an obsolete tool, :). Then again, someone could also argue that calling someone an obsolete tool might be a better insult than douchebag, :).

The English language is filled with an amazing amount of different words and phrases that one could use in place of ones that most people know are offensive, especially online. There is absolutely no excuse for written communication not being as civil as we can make it. Well, no excuse other than laziness or rage. Sometimes people need to vent and words like Jesus fuck come out.

I'm not advocating that people shouldn't be allowed to vent. I'm advocating that they should proofread when they do so. If they choose not to and 'that's so gay' has slipped into their writing, they deserve to be called out for it.

As an atheist, I'd say that Jesus fuck is less offensive to me than 'twat'. Plus, Christianity is by far the most privileged of all the religions, so a swear that invokes something from there wouldn't be as offensive to me in any case.

I would be hard-pressed to come up with more than 100 words and phrases that I've seen others calling offensive and maybe 100 more that I just don't know about because I lived under a rock for a lot of years. That's being generous, though. So 200 words and phrases that different groups have found hurtful.

Out of the wide and varied (http://www.worldwidewords.org/articles/howmany.htm) English language.

Given how big English is and how relatively small the pool of truly hurtful to a group versus a person language is, not changing it seems like laziness to me.

If it's absolutely necessary to insult an individual (and I wholeheartedly agree that sometimes it is), I would argue that it's best to find ways of doing so that don't invoke the entire section of humanity to which that person belongs. Neutral insults like asshat, fuckstick, tool, asshole - all of these could belong to any race, creed, gender identity and sexual orientation.

However, programming oneself into not using language that others have found hurtful takes effort and most people are too lazy to bother, :(.

[teleens-journal.livejournal.com]

Please see the ETA. Thanks, :).

Responding to teleen_fiction's post:

[pingback-bot.livejournal.com]

User lovefromgirl referenced to your post from Responding to teleen_fiction's post: (http://lovefromgirl.livejournal.com/726196.html) saying: [...] here [...]

[daf9.livejournal.com]

Who does it hurt? Everyone. There is very little on the Internet that someone doesn't find offensive. So other than everyone agreeing to post nothing but pages and pages of blank (and even that, because blank is generally 'white', is probably offensive to someone), where does it end?

[teleens-journal.livejournal.com]

From what you're inferring, I'm thinking you're in the, "thought police" crowd, that I'm saying that if one group identifies itself using the color blue, we should all stop saying, "I feel blue" when we're sad.

And you're right in one aspect - every single person online is offended by something, so why should we even bother? What's the point in trying not to use language that certain groups have repeatedly stated that they find offensive when it's impossible to please everyone?

Why bother even making the effort when someone will still find something with which to find fault, right?

Right.

[pandaseal.livejournal.com]

Hi five for this post. I'm still learning and I think I'll always be learning, but you know what? It didn't take a lot of effort for me to stop using lame, retarded, etc. I am so fucking sick of crazy being used as shorthand for being a violent asshole.

Not only is it psychophobic, it simplifying real issues, so they can be brushed off.

People like to argue that disability is a bad thing, so they should be able to use words related to it in a derogatory manner. Even if every person with a disability felt disability was bad, who is it helpful to equate us with bad things? Words mean things, they shape our thoughts. Thinking we can ignore that is laughable.

[teleens-journal.livejournal.com]

Thank you, :). I'm still learning myself and I'm well aware that I don't have all the answers or even close to all of them. I screw up every day, but all I can do is try to learn from it and move forward, :).

Words mean things, they shape our thoughts. Thinking we can ignore that is laughable.

Exactly, :).

[(Anonymous)]

Some of these make sense, but some are completely insane. Good luck trying to stamp out slang on the Internet! And if you tried forcing everyone to stop saying things like "stupid" in real life, you'd just get laughed at. I guess that's why you only do this on LiveJournal. Anyone else would tell you you're crazy.

[teleens-journal.livejournal.com]

PS Where did I say not to use 'stupid'? I said that using GAY to mean stupid is offensive.

[blackjackrocket.livejournal.com]

See, here's the thing. How long do words remain offensive? How long after that meaning has passed from common usage do we keep bringing it up and reviving that ancient meaning?

It really seems to me an unwillingness to let words change, rather than an attempt to be sensitive. And words DO change. Look at "text". Just ten years ago, you'd have been looked at funny if you tried to use it as a verb.

I see this from more of a linguistic standpoint than a social standpoint. Words change, so why not let them? Why cling to things that haven't been used in ages?

[teleens-journal.livejournal.com]

I think it depends on the word. The n-word is always going to be offensive because it never had another meaning.

But somehow I don't think you were talking about the n-word.

So let's go with the one that's 'evolving' right now.

Gay.

Gay used to mean 'happy'. Then it meant homosexual. Now it means BOTH homosexual AND stupid. It's not that the language evolved. It's that people saw 'gay' (meaning homosexual) as a negative and started using it to mean 'stupid', unmanly, and generally bad.

"Gay" is still used as an insult. Recently on a TV show I like, a character said, "I look like a gay lobsterman." Why would he put the 'gay' in there if gay wasn't seen as negative?

Gay is in common usage right now to mean BOTH gay and stupid/unmanly/bad. Since it started out as a positive word, I'd like to revert back to it being positive, which is why if I see someone using 'gay' to mean bad, I'll call them out on it.

However, you might not have meant gay. If you didn't, I apologize. Perhaps you'd like to give me some other specific examples, please?

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

I am always amazed and bemused that people desperate;ly feel the need to use these words, really. The amount of effort people will go to to ZOMG MUST USE SLUR will always stun me

[teleens-journal.livejournal.com]

Same here.

[reapermum.livejournal.com]

Here from metafandom

I have trouble keeping up with some of these words. Some that were just not polite in my youth 50 years ago have been reclaimed and are now the preferred term while others have stayed out of use. I even go back far enough to be of the generation who used gay to mean happy, I had friends (who were sisters) called Gay and Joy.

My particular dislikes as insults are spaz (spastic) and cretin. And how long does it take for an insult to spread? What is your opinion of "special" as an insult, has it spread far enough to begin to restrict the wider meanings?

[teleens-journal.livejournal.com]

It's difficult to say how quickly an insult can spread. With the internet I'd venture to say that a word can change meaning a lot more quickly than it used to.

The only time I've heard 'spaz' used is in "Revenge of the Nerds" and while I rather like cretin as a word (don't ask me why - I just like the sound of it), I couldn't imagine ever using it in conversation.

I think where 'special' is concerned, it depends on the context. I see a lot of people saying, "Well, aren't you the special snowflake," which is usually in response to someone saying something really offensive or dumb, but I wouldn't want to use it myself.

It's a very condescending phrase and honestly? I think that if I'm going to insult someone, I want to actually insult them, not use condescension and sarcasm.

As to how far it's spread, again, interesting question. I'm trying to think of a time when one could use it and not have it taken for sarcasm and I'm honestly drawing a blank. That's not to say that a circumstance doesn't exist, only that I can't think of one off-hand, so I'd say that the wider meaning is being restricted at least somewhat.

[(Anonymous)]

Oh my...

I'm not a PoC, so my feelings on that phrase don't matter whatsoever

I have a dream that one day, I will inhabit an internet where someone's opinion is judged not by the color of their skin, but by the content of their comments.

[teleens-journal.livejournal.com]

In case there was any confusion as to what I meant by that statement, allow me to clarify.

I have never experienced racism, therefore my opinion of whether or not a phrase 'sounds racist' is completely invalid. I apologize again for bringing it up in the first place, as it was 100% not my place to do so.

I was wrong and I'm sorry.

[simonejester.livejournal.com]

Right on. There are some words that I'm on the fence about (fuckwit is okay, but what about dimwit?), but crazy, dumb, retarded, and so forth? I've removed them. I still have a tendency to use "dumbass" in my head, and I'm tempted to start an "ableism swear jar" to remind me to be nice.

I was rather surprised, when I started editing -ist words out of my vocabulary (I'd done a lot of it anyway, but there's always more to learn) just how many insulting terms have to do with race and gender and so forth, but especially disability. Crazy, dumb, retarded, lame, spaz, idiot, moron, turn a blind eye, turn a deaf ear, dumbass, and so on. It's been ingrained in our language for so long that it's hard to edit stuff like that out.

I've been an atheist since I was ten and even now I've realized that I couldn't quite work out all the idiomatic stuff like "thank God" and "God only knows" and so on that I've just replaced God with the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

With insults...I'm still working on it. "Fuckwit" and "dipshit" work in comfortable company, though I'd like something better than "dunce" (which is entirely neuryotypical IMO) as the noun for stupid-ignorant-person. Hm. I should make a post asking for ideas.

[teleens-journal.livejournal.com]

It's been ingrained in our language for so long that it's hard to edit stuff like that out.

Exactly!

I've just replaced God with the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Same here, lol!

I've been working on other insults as well, but it really is amazing how deep in our psyche this stuff is and how very difficult it is to get it out. It's no wonder people want to defend this stuff practically to the death - it's HARD to change one's language, probably because it involves changing the way we think, :(.

A swear jar sounds like a cool idea to me - I may have to try that myself, :).