teleen_fiction (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
teleen_fiction) wrote2011-01-22 08:19 pm
teleen_fiction) wrote2011-01-22 08:19 pm
Entry tags:
- "contains" instead of "warnings",
- *invitation to discussion,
- anti-semitism,
- asshat,
- atheism,
- censorship rules!,
- courtesy,
- deep hurting,
- doesn't mean what you think it means,
- epiphany,
- fail,
- faith in humanity dying,
- feminism,
- first: do no harm,
- free speech has consequences,
- heterosexism,
- homophobia,
- human rights,
- i'm a raging militant,
- i'm very stubborn,
- lgbtqp issues,
- misogyny,
- offline life,
- privilege,
- racism,
- rants,
- rants: societal and/or political,
- rants: writing/fanfic/media,
- screaming into the wind,
- sexism,
- the internet is public,
- this is a dictatorship,
- tsib,
- wtf?
Words Have Meanings: First, Do No Harm
Inspired by more than one comment on the post that this post links to, I'm finally going to weigh in on the whole anti-PC, thought-police, this-word-has-another-meaning-and-no-one-can-own-a-word, I-don't have-to-change-simply-because-you're-offended school of thought.
I'm going to begin by saying that I'm guilty of using pretty much every word that is at issue at one point or another, some as recently as last year, so I'm not saying that I'm not in a glass house here.
However.
For those who are against changing their language to remove certain words from their vocabularies because another person is offended by it, I ask the following question:
Who does it hurt?
Seriously, who does it hurt to make the effort not to use words that others have found offensive? I know that it's an effort to do so, so I guess someone could argue that it's hurting them by virtue of the fact that changing one's vocabulary and deleting certain words is hella difficult... Well, I have to say that it's more difficult in the offline world, but online? It's as easy as being careful of what one types. I realize that for some, who type as quickly as they think, that could be a challenge, but seriously? Who does it hurt? Why is it such a big deal to just not be an asshat when someone asks you to do so?
Since I'm guilty of being that asshat, I'm going to say for me it was a combination of laziness, privilege and the fact that yeah, it's hard to change how one looks at the world. I still find myself thinking, "GAY! or "LAME!" in response to negative things I see on TV, but I've been making a conscious effort to replace both words with "WEAK!" in my internal monologue and I catch myself before speaking them out loud because I want to have a less hurtful vocabulary. Also, despite my knowing on an intellectual level that those words are not okay to use, they're deeply embedded in my psyche because they've been programmed in from a variety of different sources.
Some words are easier not to use than others, but again, all of them can be eliminated from online conversation with almost no effort at all. All it takes is a willingness to actually read over one's comment and/or post before hitting the 'post' button. It's really that simple. That, and having a mental list of words that are no longer okay to use, regardless of their original meaning. Finding out which words aren't okay is as simple as lurking for a while in a so-called 'drama' community and listening to those who speak about it there.
In no particular order, the words I feel that everyone should be eliminating from their vocabularies (and the reasons why, for those who have questions) are:
Pussy to refer to anything other than a cat and even then, you can find another word if you try, like 'kitty'. It's a gendered insult. Also, when it's used to refer to a weak-willed person with the spine of a jellyfish, it's misogynistic because it's also a term that's used to describe female genitalia and gives the impression that anything female-related is weak.
Cunt, whore, slut, and bitch are all 'gendered' insults. Find another one that isn't used primarily against women, like 'asshat'. And no, calling someone a 'dick' isn't the same as calling them a 'cunt' because women don't have the same privilege that men have.
Retarded or any variation thereof, i.e. 'fantard'. It can be offensive to those who have mental disabilities.
Midget - can be offensive to little people. I realize that it once was a medical term; that doesn't change that little people don't care for it to be used any longer. Don't use it.
Lame - can be offensive to those with physical disabilities.
Crazy/Insane to describe someone who may have a mental illness can be offensive to those who have mental illnesses.
Faggot - I refer you to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sparkindarkness, because he says it a lot better than I ever could.
Gay as a negative descriptor, i.e., 'that's so gay'. I realize that this word, like faggot, has also had other meanings, but the fact is that right now it's primarily used to describe homosexual men and when it is used as a negative in any way, it reinforces the idea, however subconsciously, that being gay is bad.
Racial slurs: The n-word is obvious, some others aren't. For example, Joan Rivers recently called Michelle Obama 'Blackie O'. "Gyp" as in 'to cheat' refers to Romani people. The phrase 'grammar Nazi' downplays the impact of Nazis on the world. Educate yourself on history before using certain words and phrases and if someone tells you that a phrase you thought was harmless was offensive to them, apologize for it and move on.
Right way to apologize: I'm sorry.
Wrong way to apologize: I'm sorry if you were offended, but my family's been using that for years and I've never heard of it as a negative before.
Keep in mind that no one has to accept your apology.
Also, please keep in mind that just because you know someone who is disabled, BGLTQP, a person of color, or a member of any other marginalized group or even if you yourself are a member of said group and don't find these words offensive, it still doesn't justify using them in polite company. Just because you or your friend is fine with something doesn't mean that everyone else in the world has to be fine with it too.
To those who are saying, "Context is everything! I've been using 'gay' to mean 'stupid' for years and I love gay people." Sigh. Again, I have to ask - who does it hurt for you to change your vocabulary versus those who are being hurt every day by those who refuse to change it?
Oh, I almost forgot, "Aren't there more important things in the world to worry about than whether or not I call someone a pussy?" Definitely, but again, does it actually cause you physical harm to stop doing it? Fighting against the -ism's of the world isn't solely about stopping women from being circumcised or BGLTQP persons from being flogged or stoned to death. It's about changing the way that we, as a society, think about everyone who's a part of it.
Language is the primary way in which human beings express their thoughts and opinions. If we are ever going to actually be an equal society, with every currently marginalized person treated with dignity and respect, we have to not only work on the big issues, but the small ones as well. Changing our language is a part of changing how we think. I know that since I first started trying to remove certain words from my lexicon, it's really forced me to examine everything I say and do with a new eye. I've become much more aware of how our tacit approval of -ist language affects the everyday lives of marginalized people.
Note: I am not asking for a pat on the back for finally trying not to be an asshat (I'm well aware that I have not yet succeeded in this area). I'm extremely aware of my privilege and do not presume to speak for anyone but myself, despite any evidence to the contrary you might have found within (or anywhere else online). We all have to make the decision as human beings as to whether our approach to other people is to going to be, "First, do no harm," or "I don't care who's offended - this rape joke is funny!"
Finally, I'll say that I ascribe to the idea that absolutely everything is fair game in comedy, art and literature. However, I also subscribe to the idea that people can call other people out for being asshats and it's up to the individual whether they wish to continue being one or not solely in the name of being anti-PC.
And because I've been educating myself a bunch lately, here are a bunch of links that all say all of this a lot better than I just did.
101 Primer
sparkindarkness' entire journal.
Read all of that and then come back to discuss, if you wish, :).
ETA: Proof that not being an asshat is an ongoing battle: Weak is ableist. Thank you to51stcenturyfox for letting me know, :).
ETA 2: My comment thread on the post that started all of this is here.
ETA 3: Drama communities are probably not the best place to start, lol, but if it were not for them I never would have found most of this stuff out, which is why I mentioned them. The best place to start is with the 101 Primer and go from there, :).
This post has now been edited because my essential message was being lost and I was doing more harm than good by defending my position on one phrase. Most of the comments regarding that phrase have now been screened. I'm not a PoC, so my feelings on that phrase don't matter whatsoever and continuing to argue about it only detracts from the essential point of what I was trying to say.
I apologize for the drama.
For the record I am US-born, white, queer though I easily pass for both female and straight, and able-bodied. I have no personal experience with physical, racial or ethnic discrimination and I apologize for speaking for those groups as if I were personally invested in those particular slurs not being used.
The areas in which I have personal experience and/or a personal investment include: feminism/sexim, sex work, body image/food, sexual freedom, BGLTQP rights/homophobia, bullying, child abuse, the US foster care system, the US health care system, PTSD, anxiety, depression and mental health.
I'm going to begin by saying that I'm guilty of using pretty much every word that is at issue at one point or another, some as recently as last year, so I'm not saying that I'm not in a glass house here.
However.
For those who are against changing their language to remove certain words from their vocabularies because another person is offended by it, I ask the following question:
Who does it hurt?
Seriously, who does it hurt to make the effort not to use words that others have found offensive? I know that it's an effort to do so, so I guess someone could argue that it's hurting them by virtue of the fact that changing one's vocabulary and deleting certain words is hella difficult... Well, I have to say that it's more difficult in the offline world, but online? It's as easy as being careful of what one types. I realize that for some, who type as quickly as they think, that could be a challenge, but seriously? Who does it hurt? Why is it such a big deal to just not be an asshat when someone asks you to do so?
Since I'm guilty of being that asshat, I'm going to say for me it was a combination of laziness, privilege and the fact that yeah, it's hard to change how one looks at the world. I still find myself thinking, "GAY! or "LAME!" in response to negative things I see on TV, but I've been making a conscious effort to replace both words with "WEAK!" in my internal monologue and I catch myself before speaking them out loud because I want to have a less hurtful vocabulary. Also, despite my knowing on an intellectual level that those words are not okay to use, they're deeply embedded in my psyche because they've been programmed in from a variety of different sources.
Some words are easier not to use than others, but again, all of them can be eliminated from online conversation with almost no effort at all. All it takes is a willingness to actually read over one's comment and/or post before hitting the 'post' button. It's really that simple. That, and having a mental list of words that are no longer okay to use, regardless of their original meaning. Finding out which words aren't okay is as simple as lurking for a while in a so-called 'drama' community and listening to those who speak about it there.
In no particular order, the words I feel that everyone should be eliminating from their vocabularies (and the reasons why, for those who have questions) are:
Pussy to refer to anything other than a cat and even then, you can find another word if you try, like 'kitty'. It's a gendered insult. Also, when it's used to refer to a weak-willed person with the spine of a jellyfish, it's misogynistic because it's also a term that's used to describe female genitalia and gives the impression that anything female-related is weak.
Cunt, whore, slut, and bitch are all 'gendered' insults. Find another one that isn't used primarily against women, like 'asshat'. And no, calling someone a 'dick' isn't the same as calling them a 'cunt' because women don't have the same privilege that men have.
Retarded or any variation thereof, i.e. 'fantard'. It can be offensive to those who have mental disabilities.
Midget - can be offensive to little people. I realize that it once was a medical term; that doesn't change that little people don't care for it to be used any longer. Don't use it.
Lame - can be offensive to those with physical disabilities.
Crazy/Insane to describe someone who may have a mental illness can be offensive to those who have mental illnesses.
Faggot - I refer you to
sparkindarkness, because he says it a lot better than I ever could.Gay as a negative descriptor, i.e., 'that's so gay'. I realize that this word, like faggot, has also had other meanings, but the fact is that right now it's primarily used to describe homosexual men and when it is used as a negative in any way, it reinforces the idea, however subconsciously, that being gay is bad.
Racial slurs: The n-word is obvious, some others aren't. For example, Joan Rivers recently called Michelle Obama 'Blackie O'. "Gyp" as in 'to cheat' refers to Romani people. The phrase 'grammar Nazi' downplays the impact of Nazis on the world. Educate yourself on history before using certain words and phrases and if someone tells you that a phrase you thought was harmless was offensive to them, apologize for it and move on.
Right way to apologize: I'm sorry.
Wrong way to apologize: I'm sorry if you were offended, but my family's been using that for years and I've never heard of it as a negative before.
Keep in mind that no one has to accept your apology.
Also, please keep in mind that just because you know someone who is disabled, BGLTQP, a person of color, or a member of any other marginalized group or even if you yourself are a member of said group and don't find these words offensive, it still doesn't justify using them in polite company. Just because you or your friend is fine with something doesn't mean that everyone else in the world has to be fine with it too.
To those who are saying, "Context is everything! I've been using 'gay' to mean 'stupid' for years and I love gay people." Sigh. Again, I have to ask - who does it hurt for you to change your vocabulary versus those who are being hurt every day by those who refuse to change it?
Oh, I almost forgot, "Aren't there more important things in the world to worry about than whether or not I call someone a pussy?" Definitely, but again, does it actually cause you physical harm to stop doing it? Fighting against the -ism's of the world isn't solely about stopping women from being circumcised or BGLTQP persons from being flogged or stoned to death. It's about changing the way that we, as a society, think about everyone who's a part of it.
Language is the primary way in which human beings express their thoughts and opinions. If we are ever going to actually be an equal society, with every currently marginalized person treated with dignity and respect, we have to not only work on the big issues, but the small ones as well. Changing our language is a part of changing how we think. I know that since I first started trying to remove certain words from my lexicon, it's really forced me to examine everything I say and do with a new eye. I've become much more aware of how our tacit approval of -ist language affects the everyday lives of marginalized people.
Note: I am not asking for a pat on the back for finally trying not to be an asshat (I'm well aware that I have not yet succeeded in this area). I'm extremely aware of my privilege and do not presume to speak for anyone but myself, despite any evidence to the contrary you might have found within (or anywhere else online). We all have to make the decision as human beings as to whether our approach to other people is to going to be, "First, do no harm," or "I don't care who's offended - this rape joke is funny!"
Finally, I'll say that I ascribe to the idea that absolutely everything is fair game in comedy, art and literature. However, I also subscribe to the idea that people can call other people out for being asshats and it's up to the individual whether they wish to continue being one or not solely in the name of being anti-PC.
And because I've been educating myself a bunch lately, here are a bunch of links that all say all of this a lot better than I just did.
101 Primer
sparkindarkness' entire journal. Read all of that and then come back to discuss, if you wish, :).
ETA: Proof that not being an asshat is an ongoing battle: Weak is ableist. Thank you to
51stcenturyfox for letting me know, :).ETA 2: My comment thread on the post that started all of this is here.
ETA 3: Drama communities are probably not the best place to start, lol, but if it were not for them I never would have found most of this stuff out, which is why I mentioned them. The best place to start is with the 101 Primer and go from there, :).
This post has now been edited because my essential message was being lost and I was doing more harm than good by defending my position on one phrase. Most of the comments regarding that phrase have now been screened. I'm not a PoC, so my feelings on that phrase don't matter whatsoever and continuing to argue about it only detracts from the essential point of what I was trying to say.
I apologize for the drama.
For the record I am US-born, white, queer though I easily pass for both female and straight, and able-bodied. I have no personal experience with physical, racial or ethnic discrimination and I apologize for speaking for those groups as if I were personally invested in those particular slurs not being used.
The areas in which I have personal experience and/or a personal investment include: feminism/sexim, sex work, body image/food, sexual freedom, BGLTQP rights/homophobia, bullying, child abuse, the US foster care system, the US health care system, PTSD, anxiety, depression and mental health.
no subject
Excellent! I would probably say something like "it'd fly over your head," which could be offensive to some, but as a short person myself I don't find it particularly bad, especially since stuff flies over my much taller husband's head all the time. ;)
no subject
Hmmm. I'll try to remember "fly over your head", though I see what you mean about how it could be offensive to a little person or even someone who's short. Maybe, "it would be a waste of breath?" Theoretically offensive to those with asthma or other breathing disorders, I suppose, but considering it would only be my breath that I was wasting, I think that could work, :).
This is equal parts frustrating and fun, having to actually really examine one's language, :).
no subject