Hmm. I agree with you in principle, but I think you're oversimplifying a bit.
There are certainly unambiguously hurtful, damaging words which it is very easy to stop using, and people who make a big show of how HARD it is are being self indulgent and whiny.
But there's there's no clean line between "good" words and "bad" words, some words are offensive to some people in one context but are the best word to use to other people in a different context (aka "person of colour" is an offensive label to some non-white people(*), mostly outside the US) Removing offensive words from your language completely is not only not simple, it's not possible. And there are downsides to restricting one's language this way, albeit ones that are in most cases worth the benefits.
Also, I think it's unhelpful to primarily frame these words as simply "offensive". As well as hurting the individual people who see them, they often perpetuate the broader unjust power structure. For example, using "gay" as an insult is not only bad because it hurts the feelings of gay people, but because it equates being gay with badness. Even when straight people use it amongst themselves they are encouraging this homophobic attitude in each other and themselves. (I'm sure you know this, and maybe I just misread, but it didn't feel like your post was making this point very strongly)
Something we agree on: Over time as I pay attention to this sort of language it's made me realise how much of my "offensive" language really does rest on deeper prejudiced attitudes. Every time I go to use the word "crazy" I think "Do I really mean that this is mentally ill, even if only metaphorically? What am I implying about mental illness? What am I actually trying to say?" Even if none of the mentally ill people I know were being hurt by my usage of the word, this thought process has done a lot to make me reconsider my attitudes to mental illness. This sort of thoughtfulness, about what I'm saying and what effect my words will have in the particular context I'm using them in, is especially important with ambiguous words which are only offensive some of the time.
This ambiguity also makes me a little leery of describing ANYONE who uses offensive language EVER as being an asshat (though a great many people who use offensive words on purpose are being pretty asshattish), really it's not about whether or not one is a "good person", it's about trying to modify our behaviour for the benefit of others. I think "Oh no, I used a bad word, I suck D:" can actually be a counterproductive emotional response, since it makes us resistant to learning more bad words and thus feeling guilty more of the time. I don't want people who say things that hurt me to feel bad, I want them to stop.
(*)some of whom may also have an issue with "non-white". Apologies to any such reading this, it was the best descriptor I could think of :/
no subject
There are certainly unambiguously hurtful, damaging words which it is very easy to stop using, and people who make a big show of how HARD it is are being self indulgent and whiny.
But there's there's no clean line between "good" words and "bad" words, some words are offensive to some people in one context but are the best word to use to other people in a different context (aka "person of colour" is an offensive label to some non-white people(*), mostly outside the US) Removing offensive words from your language completely is not only not simple, it's not possible. And there are downsides to restricting one's language this way, albeit ones that are in most cases worth the benefits.
Also, I think it's unhelpful to primarily frame these words as simply "offensive". As well as hurting the individual people who see them, they often perpetuate the broader unjust power structure. For example, using "gay" as an insult is not only bad because it hurts the feelings of gay people, but because it equates being gay with badness. Even when straight people use it amongst themselves they are encouraging this homophobic attitude in each other and themselves. (I'm sure you know this, and maybe I just misread, but it didn't feel like your post was making this point very strongly)
Something we agree on: Over time as I pay attention to this sort of language it's made me realise how much of my "offensive" language really does rest on deeper prejudiced attitudes. Every time I go to use the word "crazy" I think "Do I really mean that this is mentally ill, even if only metaphorically? What am I implying about mental illness? What am I actually trying to say?" Even if none of the mentally ill people I know were being hurt by my usage of the word, this thought process has done a lot to make me reconsider my attitudes to mental illness. This sort of thoughtfulness, about what I'm saying and what effect my words will have in the particular context I'm using them in, is especially important with ambiguous words which are only offensive some of the time.
This ambiguity also makes me a little leery of describing ANYONE who uses offensive language EVER as being an asshat (though a great many people who use offensive words on purpose are being pretty asshattish), really it's not about whether or not one is a "good person", it's about trying to modify our behaviour for the benefit of others. I think "Oh no, I used a bad word, I suck D:" can actually be a counterproductive emotional response, since it makes us resistant to learning more bad words and thus feeling guilty more of the time. I don't want people who say things that hurt me to feel bad, I want them to stop.
(*)some of whom may also have an issue with "non-white". Apologies to any such reading this, it was the best descriptor I could think of :/