This will be part movie review, but mostly about the world in which we live and how I wish it were different.  There are some spoilers for the film, but as it's a kids' movie, I don't think that they're anything that someone who saw a preview wouldn't be able to glean.

"Wreck-It Ralph" is a pretty good kids' movie with a decent plot and some good humor.  Even if one is not much of a video game fan (i.e. if they're me), one can find it entertaining and highly watchable.

Cut for slight spoilers, length, heterosexism, and me feeing depressed about the world in which I live. )
So I'm over at [ profile] ontd_political, reading this post with live election results, and my brain breaks.

It's broken forever, poppets.  When a proposition in MO TO BAN  FUCKING PUPPY MILLS can't pass, my faith in the humanity of my fellow man in this country has taken a sharp dive straight into the Grand Canyon. 

Not to mention that my Governor, Ted Strickland, lost.  Meaning the my vote, DIDN'T FUCKING COUNT.  And don't give me some shit about how every vote counts.  If he lost by one vote or one million, he still fucking lost, making my state even more fucked up than it was before.

The only thing that gives me any shred of hope is that politicians fucking suck at doing anything. Oh, wait - that's DEMOCRATS.

Republicans are fucking aces at getting shit done.  Too bad it's mostly racist, homophobic, pro-rich, anti-environment pro-corporate shit.

Oh, and if you voted Republican and you make less than $250,000 a year?  Congratulations, you've voted against your own self-interest and in favor of the party that wants to turn back the clock to the 1950's (except, y'know, the part where the rich paid 90% taxes).

Fuck you, U.S.  Fuck you and the fail!boat you've decided to sail on.
To all of you out there reading this, I'm not normal.  I'm not neurotypical and I'm on the autism spectrum.  I've always been this way - I just didn't have a name for it until very, very recently.

Before you ask, I'm self-diagnosed.  But if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's fucking Aspergers, m'kay?

Am I bitter?  Little bit.  All my life I've been fucking weird, felt like an outsider and like there was a whole world that I just couldn't understand and I just got to find out that I probably never will.

There's no real treatment for what I have, no magic pill or therapy to make the walls come down and help me to actually understand what most of the population takes for granted.  

I never get to know...  So many fucking things.  I get to feel like I'm on the outside looking in and never really understand...  I'm repeating myself there, but I'm typing this while I'm crying and just...
Holy fuck this is long. Possibly the longest post I've ever put up here that wasn't a story. So long that I don't even know if LJ will take it. And I'm not reading over this before I post it, so there will be typos liekwhoa. Also, non-graphic trigger warning for those who have ever felt like outsiders or like the world could never understand them. Read at your own risk. But you should be doing that already if you're here, so I guess that read if you want to would be more appropriate. )

I have this odd urge to just write "The End," even though it would be abrupt and odd. 

The End.


PS I'm screening comments, 'cause that's just how I'm rolling on this one.

That's what we all want to tell everyone who's ever been bullied.  It gets better.  At some point in your life, you'll look back and realize that those who hurt you were small-minded, stupid asshats who are probably unhappy with their lives now and who will never feel as good about themselves as you do now.

It's a beautiful sentiment and I've really loved seeing the outpouring of similar messages all over the internet. 

That said, I'm sorry.  I'm sorry to be the cynical, depressed voice that cuts through all of the love and says, "Hey, wait a second..." 

To someone who is being bullied, no amount of 'It will get better' from random strangers will necessarily help.  To someone who's in that dark place, they feel as though their pain is unique and nothing and no one could ever understand it, even if the person telling them has been in the exact same situation before.

Because the pain of someone else isn't mine.  What I went through and got through doesn't mean dick to someone who's still going through it right now.  All the, 'there's light at the end of the tunnel's' in the world don't make a difference to someone who's being systematically tortured every moment of every day.  

Again, it's a beautiful idea for people who aren't in that place any longer to reach back and try to pull someone forward with them, but speaking as someone who's both been in that place and had people tell me that it'll get better....  I was going to say that I can say that it might not help but then I realized - I'm speaking for those who are in that dark place.

I'm saying that my pain was comparable to theirs and because all those 'it gets betters' didn't help me, it won't help them.

I'm wrong. 

I'm depressed right now and it's clouding how I'm looking at the world, but not so much that I don't realize how wrong I am.  

Just because 'it gets better' didn't work and doesn't work for me, as a rule, doesn't mean that it won't work for someone else.  So if you have a chance to tell someone it'll get better, take it.

They might be lucky enough to be nothing like me, :).
I further promise that I haven't forgotten.  I've just been a little down lately and not writing much.  When I'm back on my upswing, it will be written, :).

Thanks to everyone who's prompted me for various reasons lately - I really like writing those ficlets when my brain lets me, :).



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